Figuring It All Out

It’s not easy but we’re figuring it all out. Becoming an “instant” family is fraught with challenges that don’t typically exist when families “evolve” (ie. when you raise your children from birth). We all have our preferences & habits and most of the other family members don’t know us well enough to know our preferences & habits. And the adults & children don’t share a common language to aid in this “getting to know you” stage of our relationships. It’s interesting to say the least.

But they are wonderful, curious, smart, loving, grateful kids. They are both completely in love with the pool!! But even the pool does not bring the comfort they feel from being at home. Henry in particular asks to go home after we’ve been gone for any amount of time. He really finds his refuge here. This is the fuel that feeds an adoptive parent. To know that your children are learning to feel safe…

Henry is, as we already knew, ALL BOY! He is very active & curious. But he is cautious. He prefers to study others before engaging in an activity himself. It’s interesting because by the time he has observed long enough to feel enough confidence to participate, he’s already pretty good at whatever the activity. He watched his sister & others swim in the pool for about 30 minutes & then went to the shallow end & pretty much put his face in the water! He kicks & paddles (doesn’t really go anywhere, but still!) and he has a really good idea how the whole thing works. I love to watch him watch. And then do!

He continues to show more & more affection toward us as parents as well. Our relationships are developing perfectly. He expends the most energy of any of us, probably eats the most, and sleeps the least (although he sleeps enough that we are not concerned – it’s just less than the rest of us).

Interestingly, last night he Skyped with his friend from last summer’s hosting program, Dema, who was adopted to America four months ago & the conversation was very limited because Dema has lost most of his Russian. Of course, boys don’t really need words to communicate. So they made noises & funny faces and got along just fine!

Landyn is ALL GIRL! Her challenge right now is that she is all “Ukrainian” girl; meaning she is mostly social whereas, American girls are more active & athletic. Even our adoption facilitator, who is Ukrainian, commented that she would be successful in life – didn’t matter if she didn’t do well in school – because she is social & boys like that. Maybe in Ukraine (where it seems that females are quite objectified), but not necessarily in America. So her American friends have more in common with Henry (riding bikes, running & playing with a ball don’t require a common language) than her. As her parents, we are concerned that she does not have any skills or talents that she can value as an American girl (more specifically, we are concerned that she will fall into the “pre-teen boy-craziness” that was pretty much a girl’s existence in Ukraine). So I asked her if she would like to jog with me (thinking at least she could build some strength and endurance and confidence as a foundation to build on) and she said she would. In fact, it was several days before I took her with me & she asked every day! So we bought her an appropriate pair of shorts & off we went. She did GREAT! Her stride could use some work but her endurance was better than I expected. And she was really proud of herself!! Of course, the true test was the next day. Would she ask to go again? And she did!!

We have taught the kids “God is Great” before meals. Today I made their lunch but didn’t sit down to eat with them and I heard them sit down & say their blessing without any adult prompting. Makes a Momma proud…

And the most heartwarming for me is when they say “my family” in reference to the four of us.  

Indeed, it’s not easy. But we’re figuring it all out & we’re fine… We’re better than fine!