"What is it that you would like for me to do?"

This is, unless otherwise instructed, the only appropriate question to ask of our facilitator once we hit the ground in Ukraine. It has been suggested that I make this my mantra. In other words, it is time to hand over the reins (ie. give up control – as if I ever really had it!) to someone who knows what they are doing. My work (or at least my "thinking" work) is largely done. Now it is time to simply follow instructions. Normally, even the mere suggestion of this would cause me stress but in this case I’m actually cool with it – and looking forward to it! We could not be in more capable hands! Our team in Ukraine is THE BEST and our God is AWESOME. Besides, I have learned that asking questions doesn't always net me useful information. We'll call it cultural, acknowledge it is for the best, and leave it at that.

We are in the midst of a packing crisis and, admittedly, in the grand scheme of things, it is a good problem to have. It means the important stuff is all in order! And we can put our attention on stuff that, frankly, doesn’t really matter (until you get to Ukraine and realize you don’t have enough peanut butter – then, all of the sudden, it MATTERS!).

Anyway, our flight leaves Saturday mid-morning. We chose a cost-efficient but not necessarily time-efficient flight itinerary. We’ll spend the extra time practicing doing nothing which is, apparently, something you do a lot of while in Ukraine. As a side note: it kinda makes me laugh that we think we’re saving money. If you’ve adopted internationally, no doubt you are laughing too. All I can say is, “Thank you, Obama & crew, for the tax credit!”. It certainly doesn’t cover everything, but it makes all of this possible.

Our flights connect in Dulles and Frankfurt. We arrive in Kiev mid-day Sunday where we will be 6 hours ahead of EDT. We’ll have the remainder of Sunday and all of Monday to recover from our jetlag/lack of sleep, adjust to the time difference, and see the sights in Kiev (supposedly with no hope of not being obviously American). We are traveling this leg of the trip with another family from Raleigh (they’ll probably blow our cover by wearing white or, shamefully, tennis shoes!). Our SDA appointments are the same day (Tuesday). After that, we will part ways and head to different regions.

So the logistics for this week are about wrapping up final details of the next two or so months of our lives (ie. stop the mail, arrange for cat sitting, fret over the coffee situation, and have our last non-parent meal with our non-parent friends!). And practicing my mantra…

The Post-Panic State of Mind

So now that I am no longer living in a constant state of panic that something will go wrong our adoption applications and we will not be invited to begin the process of adopting our two kids (I know, I know...the devil made me do it!), my brain is moving from hyper-wired to recovery. Quite honestly, when we first got word of our invitation to Ukraine, I felt relief but not really excitement (kind of like when you think you're gonna die and you can only focus on not dying; actually "living" - beyond the not dying - doesn't occur to you until you know for sure that you are not going to die and then you start living again). But I'm post-panic and ready to move on!

This is when the little people on the other end of all of this come into focus. I think a lot about what they are doing, if they are safe, if they *feel* safe, what they are hoping for, how strongly they believe they will get what they are hoping for... I imagine what it will be like when we see them for the first time in just a few weeks.

We will be meeting our son for the first time. We do not know what he knows about us. We have written to him several times but we avoided specifically stating that we wanted to adopt him (and we don't even know that he has gotten our letters). We made references to his/our future that strongly implied we intend to adopt him but who knows what the mind of an 8-year-old orphaned boy thinks? My guess is that he is more focused on the stated facts in our letters than the implications. My point is this: we have no idea if he knows we are coming and how prepared he will be for us. You can imagine it would be quite scary. ALL orphans (by the way, I never have liked the word "orphan" but I chose to not find another word to replace it because part of me believes the word *should* make us uncomfortable. There should not *be* orphans!!) want a home and family. Our son has been to the US, so it stands to reason that if he is hoping for a family, he is hoping they will be in the US! But an American family actually (that you do not know) coming to get you and remove you from all that you know (not only is there a language barrier, we do not even have the same alphabet - it is very disorienting!), while it is actually what you’d hoped for, must be scary!

So this is my prayer for him: that our hearts are so open to him that even if he feels scared at times, that he *knows* he is safe with us and that his future is bright and hopeful. I remember when we moved through the process of deciding to adopt our daughter. We had decided we would adopt her before we even met her. And then we met her and were blown away at how she simply “fits” us!! I pray the same for him. That he “fits” us and that we all feel the same sense of perfectness even without the common language to express it. It’s very powerful when it happens. I guess it is much like having a baby; you wonder about this and that and then when they arrive it’s all perfect; even the imperfections are perfect. Yep, that’s my prayer for him!

As for her, I already know of her readiness for us to come!! She has (just like her Mama) made no bones about it!! But the road to finality is not short, easy, or without an obstacle or two. It’s confusing (at least it is to me) and my gut tells me it’s best not to ask too many questions about it (so I’ll ask you to do the same!) but when we reunite with her, for the purposes of some of the officials present, we will be meeting her for the first time. To be honest, second to meeting our son for the first time, I am most concerned for this moment (I’m sure once the moment has passed, I will turn my concern to something else – like the court hearing! Or whatever other obstacle that presents itself along the way).

Anyway, today we hope to ticket our flights and maybe buy a few jars of peanut butter for the trip. But mostly, I’m seeing their faces, feeling their little bodies giving me hugs, imagining them saying words in English (and making us say them in Russian – fair warning, they will probably do this to you too – and they’ll laugh when you can’t say it right!), finding out about their school, meeting other kids at church and in the neighborhood, stomping up and down the stairs (one of my MOST FAVORITE memories of our daughter when she was here last summer), teaching them to brush their teeth and then enforcing it, them actually brushing their teeth on their own (I know…I can really dream futuristic!), reading to them, tucking them in at night, soothing their worries and hurts, introducing them to our Savior (that’s a big one!). Mostly just life……….

The Next Phase

I am exhausted, my eyes burn & sting, and I am STARVING. I feel like I've been swimming in a super-chlorinated swimming pool for a gazillion hours - with my eyes open! And I have this hollow echoing in my ears – like everything is farther away than it really is. In actuality, what really happened is that my family just hung by a thread for about two weeks – and all the while, I held my breath. Other families who submitted their dossiers on the same date as us not only received their SDA appointment dates, they actually *had* their appointments! What the heck?!?

But at long last, we have a date to begin the formal process of adopting our two children in Ukraine!! April 5th!!

I don’t know if I was more relieved for David or for us when David called today to share the good news that we had a date!! Other than delivering us our appointment date today, none of David’s job over the last few weeks has been enviable (at least, with regards to us). We have been nothing short of increasingly distraught. So here’s a HUGE shout out to David who we have come to know, respect, and trust. We value our business and personal relationship with him

Our situation was in the prayers of so many friends and family. We are beyond grateful for your support. God heard you!! J

I’m sure you want to know “what’s next”! We haven’t booked airline tickets yet, but we have the good fortune to have the same SDA date as another family who we have gotten to know recently and we will likely plan to arrive in Kiev a few days before our Tuesday appointment and take in the sights (and speak English!) with them.

I know it’s unadvisable to “plan” anything about the experience in Ukraine (and, David, I still meant what I said about giving over control of the process once we arrive in Ukraine!) but here’s a skeletal outline of what just might happen while we’re there:

·         Obtain SDA referral to go to Valeriy’s orphanage

·         Travel (12 hours by train + 2 hours by car) to the region of Valeriy’s orphanage & meet him (and all the other important people who have to do something in order for us to be able to adopt him)

·         Spend up to a week (but maybe less) in the region visiting with him for a couple of hours a day at the orphanage

·         Return to Kiev (I’m assuming a 2 hour car ride + a 12 hour train ride) for a second SDA appointment to obtain a referral to go to Nastya’s orphanage

·         Travel (9 hours? by car) to the region of her orphanage & reunite with her!! (and meet with all of the other important people who have to do something in order for us to be able to adopt her)

·         Spend up to a week (but maybe less) in the region visiting with her for a couple of hours a day at the orphanage

·         Travel/return (10 hour? car ride?) to the region of his orphanage for a court hearing to adopt him & start the 10-day waiting period before the adoption is final

·         Travel/return (10 hour? car ride?) to the region of her orphanage for a court hearing to adopt her & start the 10-day waiting period before the adoption is final

·         Travel/return (10 hour? car ride?) to the region of his orphanage to obtain his new birth certificate, claim him from the orphanage & assume responsibility for parenting him (!), and obtain his passport with his new name

·         Travel/return (10 hour? car ride?) to the region of her orphanage to obtain her new birth certificate, claim her from the orphanage & assume responsibility for parenting her (!), and obtain her passport with her new name

·         Travel/return (9 hours? by car) to Kiev to have medical exams and obtain visas for them.

·         Travel/return home!

I purposefully did not include timelines because we really don’t know. We would be thrilled if the whole hoorah was wrapped up in 8 weeks.

We probably have about a week-and-a-half before we begin our travels. In addition to tending to a nice, manageable “to do” list, this will be an important time for us to prepare our hearts for God’s will for our family. We have carefully selected all of the items we need to take along. Now the real work begins…

On that note, if you have something you would like to share with me or you need something from me, please use my email or phone to reach me. The “standard” and most predictable means of communicating with me (facebook) will be not as reliable as we are all accustomed!

We are nothing short of delighted to end this phase of the adoption process and start the next! We got word today that another family currently at Nastya’s orphanage spent this evening with her and she is SO READY for us to come. She did to them what she did to everyone else who met her, charmed her way right into their hearts with her genuine sweetness!! I can’t wait to wrap my arms around that girl and resume our relationship!! And to begin my relationship with our lil’ guy……

Thank you, again, for your love and prayers. We are not yet done but we are a whole lot closer than we were yesterday!!!

What Happens When Nothing Else is Happening

Here's a sneak peek @ their rooms and the playroom. There's a little work to be done, but I'm gettin' there!!

The trio of tulips were painted for us by our Ukrainian born friend, Elena Caron. I LOVE THEM and designed the rest of the room around them!!

Note: I realize the couple in the picture frame is not us.

Hence, the "gettin' there". There are still a few details to addresss.

Note: Again, photos needed!

We look forward to the day when they want to put their own stamp on their rooms. Hopefully it's tasteful and I don't have to say "No"!! I'm just kidding!! I'm going to relax my decor criteria...soon...really.



Pause.....

About a week-and-a-half ago we were teed up to recieve our invitation from the SDA within a day or so (refer to previous post). More than an excrutiating week ticked by. Yesterday we were informed we won't be receiving our invitation until late next week or early the following week. It was a tough pill to swallow and the explanation for the cause of the delay has a raised a new level of frustration to the surface. But I'm working on letting that go... 
So we are forced to take a few deep breaths and be reminded that we are on God's clock (which apparently ticks MUCH slower than mine!). This is His plan. He brought these children to us in the most miraculous way and He will deliver them.

In the mean time, I am trying not to overthink everything (if you know me, you are, no doubt, laughing hysterically!) and I am trying to focus on the positive. Others who have been where I am have said that, other than the day or so leading up to meeting their children, waiting for their SDA invitation was the most stressful.

On the bright side, another family is enroute to Valeriy's orphanage (I Skyped with them at they departed Kyiv, Ukraine via the train for the 12-hour trip - which is apparently followed by a 2-hour car ride! Why did I think the train station was "very" close to the orphanage??) and I am hopeful that we can meet him via Skype!

Also, two other families got their invitations yesterday and will begin their journeys next week!

And while I'm at it I should welcome home David Paulson (the first child from our summer hosting program to "come home"!) and congratulate Vitalik & Lera Cline on their favorable court ruling this week! Angelina Churchill is still in Ukraine but is with her forever family and will be home within a week!

There is much for which to be thankful.................

Starting to Feel REAL!!

Actually, I don't have any concrete news related to our adoption to report today, but since I hope my kids will someday read this accounting of our journey, I felt like it was important to document that today is the day. Everything suddenly felt REAL! We've planned, dreamed, waited, waited, and waited... And now our time to travel to Ukraine is just on the horizon and it is truly sinking in. We're nervous and excited. Our nerves are because we thought we had more time than we probably actually do, so all of those things we've needed to do but haven't done because we have "forever" to get them done need to be done NOW! Our excitement is because we are not nervous about anything other than the not-yet-done To Do list. We've spent the necessary time in prayer to feel prepared for the journey that includes reuniting with our daughter that left a void in our hearts and home more than half a year ago when she returned to Ukraine after a magical 3-week visit and to meet our son who, by all accounts from those who have met him, will be our "bonus"!!

We expect and pray that we will have concrete news about the beginning of our Ukraine experience within the next few days. But we have reason to think we'll be packing our bags sooner than we thought which means we will be bringing our kids home sooner than we thought!!

You might recall we projected our SDA appointment would be six to eight weeks after we submitted our dossiers (Feb. 16th). Timelines for other families on the same track as us have proved to be drastically condensed. We are hopeful and prepared for the same!!

God is good....