Other than it starting @ 4:00 AM and it being fraught with motion sickness, yesterday felt magical.
The first five hours of our car ride were uneventful. The road we traveled was a highway similar to our interstates (except there are pedestrian crosswalks very frequently and the pedestrian has the right of way!). We passed through vast areas of flat land and then vast areas of rolling hills – all of it farm land. No crops are currently planted but the soil looks rich and ready. Every so often we pass what I guess would be called a “village” that had a few houses. On a rare occasion there was a cow here and there - usually unfenced and always HUGE which made me wonder why it hadn’t been used by its owner as a financial resource since the villages appear to be extremely poor. [A note about the “extremely poor” comment: I don’t know if my judgment is bad or the criteria here are different. In America, pile after pile of trash & rubble and unsightly & crumbling buildings (sometime occupied and sometime abandoned) usually indicates poverty, so I drew this conclusion in our son’s region. Then trough conversation with our facilitator learned that his region is a large city (over 500,000 people) and considered very nice. So I missed the mark on that one L. And then, of course, our facilitator was instantly concerned about how I would respond to our daughter’s region which is a small town (but bigger than a village) and *poor*. ]
There was actually some “green” the more south we traveled. It is not really Spring here yet, but it is coming soon – hopefully VERY SOON! It’s not really that the temperature is a problem – we spend so little time outside it hardly matters, but it has rained so much since we arrived that the gloom is wearing on us and we are desperate for sunshine!
The last hour of our car ride to our daughter’s region was along a narrow two-lane road that had more potholes than pavement and it got no better once we arrived to her town. We both began to seriously regret having foregone the motion sickness patch but we both had other side effects from the patch that we felt like we would take our chances without it. By the end of the day, conclusion: WRONG decision! Ughh… And if you suffer from motion sickness, I don’t need to say anything more about this. It casts a shadow over *everything else*. And there is no possible way for the driver to accommodate passengers who are not feeling well. If you slowed down to swerve for potholes, you would simply never arrive at your destination.
So we arrive to her town and go directly to the local authorities to request permission to go to her orphanage. We were briefly introduced to one of the very kind ladies who would process our request and after introduction she became silent, and then she grinned, and started shaking her head, and laughing. And then to our facilitator in Russian she starts speaking and moving her hands around her face. And he starts laughing. And tells us that our daughter resembles Poppa very much. Just like with our son, there is no mention that our daughter looks anything like me L. And then our translator tells the woman about our son resembling Poppa (enough already!), so she asks if Poppa ever traveled to Ukraine before... HaHa.
After some processing of paperwork, a different person from the local authority joins us and we head to the orphanage. There we met the orphanage director who, after all was said and done yesterday, impressed me very much. She was very kind toward us (and yes, also commented that our daughter resembles Poppa……..) and related to our daughter very warmly and seemed to genuinely favor us adopting our daughter.
So, for this initial meeting with our daughter, it’s weird. It seems like we all know that we hosted her last summer but in a twilight zone kind of way, everyone treats the meeting as though it’s our first one – which I find completely mind-boggling because she stayed in our home with us for three weeks and we already decided to adopt her with WAY LESS information about her than we are now being given. So all of the sudden all of this information is important?? OK, whatever you say.
We all gather in the director’s office where we are told about our daughter’s social history and medical history. We are shocked to learn that she has been in the orphanage even less time than our son! Briefly, she comes from an unstable home environment. She has several adult siblings; none of whom have made any effort to have a relationship with her (some are also known to live unstable lives themselves). She has been in and out of a “shelter” in the past but her mother was deprived of her parental rights about a year-and-a-half ago after failing to correct her lifestyle. Our daughter is deemed to be a normal, sweet, confident (albeighit, somewhat shy at first) girl who needs the love and attention of a family. Here we are!
Medically, she is healthy (we already knew that!); except right now she has an upper respiratory infection for which she is staying in another area of the orphanage.
All this time, our daughter is sitting right outside the room we are in. We’ve caught a glimpse or two of her and she snuck in a wave to her Poppa. She is pale but GORGEOUS! She is the same but even more gorgeous than the first time I met her. Despite being pale and dehydrated from her cold, she looks much more healthy than when we first met her. And she does not look breakable anymore. The hope and promise of a family has mended her body and spirit!
After we are informed about everything they know about our daughter, they ask us if we would like to proceed with adopting her. DA! Very much DA! So with a wink-wink & a nod-nod, she is invited into the room. And she earns an Academy Award! She makes only brief eye contact with each of us (but her eyes tell us,” I am bursting inside that you are here but this is what I have to do to get to you”). She politely and shyly (because that is how she has been described) shakes our hands and hugs us and takes her seat. Her director tells her a little bit about us (and mentions that she thinks she resembles Poppa – no mention of me L) and she acts very interested and engaged. Then the director moves on to telling her a little bit about us and she asks…….if we have any other children. Sooooo, our facilitator (who, I think I’ve mentioned before, is also our translator) takes the opportunity to disclose the news about our son. Mind you, our daughter knows nothing of our son yet (we had hoped to pick an appropriate time to “discuss” this with her). The look on her face is utter surprise; and not convincingly pleasant surprise. But she moves on like a champ. And during this entire conversation, she is clearly fighting a huge grin on her face. But she holds on (just like she has held on all of this time waiting for us to come).
And then we are dismissed to go spend some time together. We all collect our belonging and she positions herself between us holding each of our hands.
At this point we simply dropped her off back at her building because we still had the local official with us and had some paperwork to tend to. We were able to go back to the orphanage a few hours later where we picked up with that little stinker right where we left off last August! We teased her about how long her hair has gotten and that I’m going to give her the same haircut I give Poppa. And she told us she has a boyfriend…um, to which I said she is not allowed until she is 25 and Poppa said until she is 35! Normal family joking…..
I did a brief “check in” with her about her new brother-to-be and got the lower lip. It wasn’t a “devastated forever” lower lip but more like a “I don’t want to share you but I will” lower lip. Honestly, it was exactly what I expected and it was not inappropriate at all. And it has a lot to do with why we felt a second child was necessary to round out our healthy family.
Since our daughter is staying in the “infirmary” while she is sick, we didn’t see any of the other kids from last summer that we’d hoped to see. We met one of her friends who came down to see her (well, I’m pretty sure she came down to “meet us”!). She is a sweet and sassy girl who would make a wonderful addition to a family that is willing to also take on her three younger siblings!!
Emotionally, yesterday was completely satisfying!! We are with her at long last! And we are looking forward to spending some time with her over the next few days.
But all of my other senses are in complete and utter overload. My sense of smell and hearing and touch and taste are all extremely heightened and nothing I am taking in is familiar and much of it is not pleasant. Beyond the obvious culture shock (everything that is Ukraine is a complete contrast: a contrast to our lives in America and a contrast in and of itself – for example, there are high-end cars sharing the road – usually passing – the typical what I don’t know how to describe any other way than “communist car” – the little box looking thing that even if brand new is already 30 years old! This type of contrast is everywhere!), I think the constant change in locations (we have slept in 7 different locations in less than two weeks) and lack of any kind of “routine” is wearing on me. At my very best, I don’t really consider myself much of a warrior. And this battle takes a true, through-and-through warrior. I am faithful that God will see me through this but he is definitely testing and preparing me to mother these two extremely different – probably the biggest and most relevant “contrast” we’ve experienced thus far – precious, deserving, needy children.
We are optimistic that we’ve overestimated the amount of time it will take us to accomplish our goal here (our initial estimate was 8 weeks). Several factors that can either add a few days or save a few days have fallen in our favor (but there are many more of these variables to come). These are the blessings that keep us going! Because we are nowhere close to the finish line.
This is what the remainder of our itinerary looks like:
*visit with our daughter for the next few days
*return to our son’s region for a court hearing to adopt him (with any luck, maybe the end of next week!)
*return to our daughter’s region for a court hearing to adopt her (maybe the beginning of the following week)
*considering spending the 10-day waiting period somewhere outside of Ukraine (This will make our American facilitator laugh – and worry a little. But we are feeling the need to “recharge” somehow before the REAL WORK begins!)
*return to our son’s region to pick him up, obtain his new birth certificate, and apply for his new passport
*return to our daughter’s region to pick her up, obtain her new birth certificate, and apply for her new passport
*return to Kyiv to apply for visas at the US Embassy
*come home!
