Two Facts (OK, it turned out to be four. Whatever...)

Two facts: 1-I am nothing if I am not honest 2-today marks one year we became a family of four. ‘How are these two facts related?’ you ask. I’m gonna tell you what the last year has been like. No holds barred. For better or for worse, this is it.

We became parents to Henry first. We had four days (still in Ukraine) with him; just the three of us. Most obvious to us was how much more at ease he was than Landyn. And the irony of this is that Henry was the one who needed time and a reason to learn to trust us.

Even before becoming parents to Landyn, something didn’t seem right. We hadn’t even gotten to her orphanage yet, but based on accountings from other families, we suspected Landyn was fantasizing about how her life would be once she was adopted. Without her even saying so (or her even having the self-knowledge), she slated us as her “saviors”. Life in America with a new family was going to be perfect. Easy. And have an amnesic affect on her past. I don’t have to tell you how *that* is turning out for her.

For one very stressful week in Ukraine with both kids in tow and little to do to occupy them, we let them act like…well…orphans. If you’ve observed orphans with an open, honest eye, you know exactly what this looks like. It’s disorganized, unproductive, frantic. Parentless. Lawless, if you will. We knew early on we had our work cut out for us.

After a few more similar-looking weeks in America, we stopped allowing Henry and Landyn speak to each other in Russian. Don’t judge. You have no idea. At the time and with the information we had, it was the right thing to do. I stand by the decision. No regrets on that one. But it wasn’t ‘just decision made; Russian gone’. I had to chase them down like an exterminator after a rat. Without much regard for the authority of adults (who can blame them, right? and you don’t know the half of it – nor did we at the time), rule following was not a priority of theirs.

But you know me. Their resistant just cranked up my will. And I was relentless. What we were really saying to them was not “We don’t want you to speak Russian”. It was “We are your parents and this is the choice we have made for you”. We were establishing authority. Building their trust. It was controversial & hard. In the end one child decided learning English was going to net him a whole lot more (i.e. American friends!) than speaking Russian to only his (new) sister while in hiding (which, for the record, really didn’t prevent my mom ears from hearing the Russian talk! Oiee…). So, after several long & exhausting weeks, the Russian ceased.

For three months, I spent all day with our children. I did my best to create some structure. We had fun but we also had English lessons and worked on math. Within a few weeks (maybe even days), it was very clear that Landyn had issues. She seemed to be in la-la land (fantasy – not reality- based), appeared to be very immature, and wasn’t learning. This blog entry would be a whole volume of encyclopedias (if you’re under 30, that is a set of books we used for information before the internet. Yes, I said ‘before the internet’.) if I chronicled how all of this evolved. But I’ll skip to last week when Landyn was diagnosed with major medical diagnoses that support everything we saw (but that no one else did). If you can infer anything from my tone, it should be that a huge source of our frustration over the past year has been seeing this child for what she is when everyone else only saw her as cute, sweet, and extroverted. Don’t get me wrong. She is all of that. But she is oh so much more. She is the product of a horrendous past filled with indescribably abuse and profound neglect. Her brain is undeveloped in ways that cannot be repaired. Now that we have been validated and the doubt that we are sane and stable has been removed, we can process the life-long commitment to this child. I’m not there yet. There is soooo much more work to do than has already been done.

This would be a good time to point out we hosted this child and had NO IDEA what we were getting ourselves into. We asked for details about her but got nothing. Please don’t read this as we regret having adopted her. What we regret is not having insisted on knowing what we were dealing with. IT MATTERS!! To the morons who insist it does not matter, IT MATTERS!! We NEEDED to know this. We would have made very different decisions had we known this.

What I know today (and what you need to know if you are considering or pursuing adoption) is that a loving, Christian home is NOT ENOUGH to heal these kids. Every last one of them has extreme special needs. I’ve previously referenced how much ‘undoing’ needs to be done with these kids. I would like to clarify that this work NEVER ENDS!! The time and effort put into their healing is disproportionate to their rate of healing. If you think you know what it will take to integrate one of these children into a healthy, America family, raise it by a gazillion. That’s more like it.

Which brings me to Henry. I have a hard time finding words when it comes to this kid. It’s no secret I’ve connected With him very differently than I have with Landyn (which has been a tremendous source of guilt for me, but now, with the most recent knowledge, makes more sense). We used to think he was the exception when it comes to kids from hard places. And in some ways, he is the exception. He is very smart. I cannot overemphasize how much this matters to internationally adopted kids. He has been able to make very keen observations, draw logical conclusions, and make subsequent choices using his smarts. As usual, most talents are a double-edged sword. He’s also quite capable of suppressing the emotions of his broken past. Here’s where it gets dangerous and if you’re (the parent) not looking with a very wise eye, it is easily overlooked because he truly L-O-V-E-S life. But the fact of the matter is this child has been broken. He has all the pieces needed to put himself back together. But there is work to be done. Catching up academically and making friends is not the battle that determines the quality of his adult life. Healing his childhood, no matter how whole he appears on the surface, must be done. What happened to him before us MATTERS!!

It’s probably not clear at this point that loving these kids for the last year has brought more blessings than heartaches. It’s hard for me to convey this with any conviction. I’m tired. I never expected to be required to be an expert on all the things parenting broken children requires you to be. The observing with a different eye, advocating for something different than is good/obvious for most kids, and defending decisions is a FULL TIME JOB. Did I mention I got one of those? A new one! Less than a week after the kids started school. When do we find time to help them heal?

I’m tired (so much so that I’ve begun to repeat myself). I think you would be too. This is NOT like raising bio kids (you don’t need to point out I’ve never done that; I stand by my statement regardless). If you’ve adopted and it’s been easy, yay for you. On that I am somewhere between envy and disbelief (although, admittedly, I’m closer to the side of disbelief). These kids’ pasts are atrocious. IT MATTERS. It grieves me. Because I love them. And wildly enough, they love me back…

Two more facts & then I’ll close (for real!): 1-Many have stepped up to the plate for us; a plate they didn’t choose for themselves. But they honored that we chose it for them. And they have made a difference. In fact, they have SAVED us. This nuttiness that has become our lives requires respite. But not just any old respite will do. I cannot relax and reenergize unless I feel like my children are being cared for in a manner that is contiguous with how we’ve learned to parent them. And for this, the top award goes to my mom and dad. Talk about not having words to describe… They ROCK. What else can be said??

The last fact: This is it. My last blog entry. At one year my emotions are polarized (even more so than usual!). We are where we are and, because it’s just what we do, we will march forward. But I can't do it without looking back and acknowledging that what we didn’t know MATTERS!

In summary, I feel like, all-in-all, we’ve done a good job if I do say so myself. Of course, my sanity is really not assured. So it’s your call. Looking forward we are blessed in ways I haven’t addressed. I am guilty of omission in this regard. There is much good to say, for sure; not the least of which is how overwhelmed we are by the graciousness of those who rose up to be our safety net when we (or just me. whatever...) were on the ledge (like ‘every other day’!). Keeping it real: there are still wounds to discover, tears to cry, and healing to be done. But we praise God for plunking us down in history at this place, during this time, and with the friends and family we have. It is what it is. And IT MATTERS!!

The Gap

It has been gently brought to my attention that is has been quite some time since I have blogged. Yes. Indeed. It has. I wasn’t my intention to leave you hanging. It’s just that…things happen, life gets BUSY, and TIME FLIES!!

You probably already know the logistical transformations of the last three months: Henry & Landyn started school @ Haw Rive Christian Academy (I cannot say enough about their school - it simply ROCKS!!) the day after Labor Day and I started a new job @ SunTech Medical exactly four school days later (would have liked to take another week or two to catch my breath, but had to strike while the job-iron was hot & am incredibly grateful to have been presented with such an wonderful opportunity in this less-than promising economy).

Henry is in third grade. He is bright & loves school (despite his instance that he would NOT like school & his protests that he only wanted to “play games” all day). And he loves baseball. His biggest academic obstacle is his lack of confidence in himself. He knows WAY more than he thinks he does. He has no idea how bright (& incredibly funny!!) he is! It is my mission to rebuild his self esteem. When I tell him how much I love him, it is obvious he does not have a history of having received this kind of affirmation. But each time he is less surprised & resistant to my showers of love. And he never doesn’t grin from ear-to-ear. And most recently he has started giving it right back J! Yes, indeed, he has settled into having loving parents & extended family & friends very well.

He is certainly not without a challenge here & there but the brightness in his eyes & the promises of the brightness for his future far outshine any challenge we’ve faced thus far. Honestly, at the end of the day, our biggest challenge with Henry is wearing him out physically. He is 100% energy & 200% boy – you know… talks incessantly about boogers & makes repulsive boy noises & smells at the most inopportune times. He is just delightful… I wouldn’t trade a minute of my time with him! J

Landyn is in fifth grade. She loves school & reading & TALKING (loudly!). We’ve had concerns about her eyesight since last year, so it was no surprise when a trip to the eye doctor confirmed she is terribly farsighted & a bit nearsighted. She is enjoying being able to actually see the world with her sassy new glasses! She also had two cavities filled & three rotten baby (thank goodness!) teeth extracted & had a spacer placed (which is a lot like a retainer – crosses the roof of her mouth which isn’t good for a new language learner!) to maintain the positioning between her permanent teeth. It’s been a lot of trips to the dentist & we’re ready for a break!

Landyn has had a more difficult time than Henry settling into our family. There are many layers to this and I’m sure there are many more layers to uncover but the short version is that she was with her biological family for almost 10 years (and she’s only 11). And by all accounts, they lived a very dysfunctional lifestyle (not a news flash – I know, but maybe even more dysfunctional than we can imagine). As a result she is extremely immature, has poor impulse control, and has very little ability to associate cause & effect. Sadly, she is an 11-year-old, physically developing girl with a toddler-to-young-child’s developmental maturity & thought process. Without saying anything else (bc I respect her & am heartbroken by what she has endured prior to us), I will say she is one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever known & we are blessed & grateful to have her in our family. But you can only imagine the minute-by-minute parenting choices we have to make in response to her behaviors. Add on the fact that we have a very astute 9-year-old son watching us & drawing conclusions about how to treat others & what is expected of him and…well…you see why so much time has elapsed since my last blog entry!

In conclusion, we are happy & well. We are blessed in ways we would have never had the audacity to ask of God. My only prayer is for health & happiness for my kids. We are very hopeful for both of them…

Thank you for caring about my family & reading my blog. I cannot promise what the gap will be between this and the next entry. But you can be sure there will be one…J

Reflections

The year-two hosting program orphans (I still cannot make peace with that word) and their two chaperones and two translators are due in to RDU in less than an hour. I've not been able to get the families and program organizers off my mind. We've prayed for this day...

But I have so many different thoughts... I remember waiting for Nastya (now Landyn!) with great excitement and probably even greater nervousness just one year ago. I worried she would be scared. I worried she wouldn't be able to sleep in our home. I worried she would need something but not be able to ask (and this was a strong likelihood). I worried she wouldn't know how to use our bathrooms (and I wasn't completely wrong on this one either!)!

I didn't know anyone who had ever hosted an orphan from another country. My head was saying "totally YIKES!". We met other families at the airport and everyone else seemed equally nervous and excited.

And then there they were. A bunch of kids who looked nothing like any of the kids in the pictures we had seen. They were all minuscule. You know...they looked breakable! But especially Landyn. She was so exhausted she could barely stand up. And she was TINY! she looked way too young to have traveled so many thousands of miles to get in a car and go with with two adults who she had never met and with whom she could not communicate. It all seemed a bit absurd in the moment. But we weren't the only ones collecting a frightened kid and driving away. So off we went.

Almost a year later the child we fell in love with is our daughter. And despite having spent three weeks with her a year ago, she is not at all the person we thought she was. It is not that she misled us in any way. It's just that three weeks with a kid that speaks another language and that does not know you plan to make them a permanent part of your family is not "real life".

I don't mean to suggest I am not in favor of the hosting program. Believe me when I say I've given the hosting program a lot of consideration. And I've not always been consistent in my opinion about the hosting program. In the end, I figure God is in charge anyway. So at the very least, we got a sense of her temperament and we were reasonably sure she did not have any dibilitating psychological disorders.

The long and the short of it for us is that we have a long road ahead of us with a daughter who was badly abused and neglected for ten years. The effects are more far-reaching than one can imagine. But she is resilient and bright. And with A LOT of work, we pray she will be able to rewire her brain enough to lead a functional and happy life. She had her first meltdown today (yes, it took over two months!) and it was, despite what you might think, a great step for her. She does not recognize, feel, or express appropriate emotion. So for her to get mad and frustrated to the point of sobbing because math is hard and America is hard and her little brother (who should, by all accounts, be as confused and disorganized and delayed as she is) seems to have it so easy, is actually a huge milestone for her. It gives me great hope for her.

Anyway, God bless all the hosting families, children, chaperones, translators, program organizers, and other volunteers over the next three weeks.

If you are considering adopting, please know that parenting a broken child is God's work. Be prepared to take your needs and heartaches to Him many, mnay times a day for the long haul. You are without a doubt in over your head. But you are not in over His head.

I am excited to see how God works this year out!

Oh So Different!

Time flies (whether you’re having fun or not) these days! My days are enormously challenging. But I will start out this blog update by saying we are beyond blessed with two sweet, loving, and kind children. We have our challenges but we are hopeful about their futures.

Now for the day-to-day stuff: I know I say this a lot but it is hard to put into words what our lives are like. When we first got home, everything felt FRANTIC and almost out of control! That feeling hasn’t completely subsided but we *are* getting a handle on it. Lots of structure & planning ahead have helped. When I let my guard down & don’t plan ahead, I pay the price. However, we have learned a few things that account for some of the franticness (one of those is kind of *obvious*; no more Coke!).

We noticed pretty quickly that the concerns we had about Landyn when we met her last year were not only still present but seemed to be worse (or maybe we were just becoming weary). We had lots of assurances that her behavior was normal for an 11-year-old girl & well, “welcome to parenthood” but it truly seemed like something was off (plus, the issues we were having with her, we were not having with our 8-year-old son). In a nutshell, we’ve sought counseling from a Russian-speaking counselor & low-and-behold, we have very valid reasons for our concerns. It’s hard to give you an idea of what we’re dealing with and still protect her privacy but I’ll say she is very immature (behaviors consistent with 5- to 7-years-old) with a completely disorganized thought process. She is much like a late toddler with a very developed 11-year-old body. She has had a complete absence of structure in her life and not a single responsible role model. She most likely did not attend school (or at least not regularly) until she moved into the orphanage in February of 2010. She really has no idea how to function in a structured, functional family environment. She doesn’t know how to act 11. To her, a minor inconvenience (such as a change in the temperature by one degree) is a major problem.

Also, I’ve had a very difficult time teaching her (as has her Russian-speaking math tutor). She does not make logical associations or recognize patterns or learn from examples. However all three Russian-speaking professionals who have worked with her & are able to make an informal assessment feel sure she does not have a learning disability. I pray they are right but in the mean time, I am finding our days very challenging! The only thing she really seems to like to do is watch TV (which she will do for hours on hours on hours if you let her). And some days I think she’s 11 and just pushes my buttons.

In order to address her issues, we basically just mega-parent her. She needs very strictly enforced structure, responsibilities (which is hard to do because her lack of self-awareness results in many things being broken and overall poor-quality work on her part and requires constant oversight on our part), and good role-modeling (oh boy, that’s *me*?) day in & day out without fail.

So the next logical question would be about Henry. Surprisingly, we do not have the same issues with him. We don’t know as much about his background (mostly because he doesn’t seem to see the need to talk about it and for that very reason we don’t see the need to press the issue) but for whatever reason, he is kind of like he’s always been here! It’s not that he doesn’t have some areas that are more sensitive (such as being afraid of the dark) but they appear to be very normal and he simply needs responsible parents to support him as he processes his fears. Of course, time will tell if we are accurate in our assessment of him… (We were completely on the mark with Landyn so we have a bit of confidence we haven’t missed anything with Henry.)

He enjoyed a week of sports camp where he learned the fundamentals of several sports (he seems to like all sports!), made friends, and acquired a good bit of new English! [A funny little side story: Henry has trouble with “w”; he usually makes a “v” sound. So when I said I was putting the pizza in the oven, he said, “oven? My friend (his name is) Oven.” Fortunately I recalled having heard one of the coaches call a kid “Owen”, so I was able to nip that one in the bud!]

 In general, he’s very “teachable” (actually, he "self-teaches"!) and enjoys learning at home & with his English teacher. He loves to watch baseball on TV snuggled up next to us (he’s already a Gator & Yankees fan!), ride his scooter, and play Wii. Otherwise, he walks around the house measuring stuff with a tape measure. He is such a boy! And he is a delight to have around.

The contrast between the two is drastic and sometimes appreciable even to her. It is sad for her. She is a sweet & loving girl who wants to please us but she has some significant deficits to overcome (mostly the need to please us!) that, unfortunately, sometimes interfere with our ability to enjoy her (I know, “Welcome to parenthood.” The thing is we don’t have this issue with him. So it’s hard. And many times, he follows her lead - becasue she is his older sister - and it doesn't work in his favor.) As I prepare this update Landyn is back in bed (she got up too early and is not mature enough to function when she is a little tired) & Henry has watered my plants, cleaned the birdfeeder, and is now vacuuming the floor (and there is no feeling of franticness in the house). How’s that for contrast?

As parents, it’s hard. It’s hard to parent when: 1-you’ve never done it, 2-your kids are in middle-childhood by the time you begin parenting them, 3-they do not speak English (that’s probably more accurately #1!), and 4-the two of them are so different (and I am trying to educate them both in English & math - at the same time because, well, what do you do with one while you work with the other?).

But again, we are blessed. Both kids are loving & kind. One is more challenged than the other. But we anticipate being able to help the challenged one reach a higher potential. And we are all healthy!! God has given us much!!

PS. Henry is still vacuuming… J

One Month of Familhood!

We’ve officially been a family of four for a month. And we’ve been back home for three weeks already! Trust me, not a day goes by that there aren’t numerous privileges of my charmed life that I recognize as unique to America! Brewed coffee in the morning on my front porch to the sound of song birds at my feeder and birdbath is the first that comes to mind! I LOVE America! And I LOVE summer!

We’ve spent the last month building bonds that are tighter than I had ever realized could even exist. It’s funny;  we spend almost every minute we can together as a family. Neither kid has made a friend that has either come to our house or that they have gone to the friend’s house. It’s not that they haven’t met other kids they really like. It’s just that we love our time together. In a way I think we all know on some level that we’re living in a little fantasy world of four where other important people come & go but the four of us are so solid we are just content for now. We all know that the kids will start school in the fall and Mommy will go back to work and that both kids will eventually prefer to hang out with friends. But for now, none of us is ready to move in that direction. Don’t get me wrong; many, many times Richard & I have prayed for the kids to make friends. We do get tired of being their primary playmates! BUT we have them so cocooned & sheltered right now, it’s actually quite nice. We know it’s not very reality based… I do get that… but for now, it works for us. We like our la-la-land! All four of us like it! The rest will come in due time… And when the road gets rocky, they will know in their core what “family” (something these kids have never known) means.

We continue to limit the Russian we allow the kids to speak. I have mixed feelings about this because I understand the value of being bilingual, but I guess because of my kid’s ages, they couldn’t rationally chose to work hard to learn English while they still had 100% access to Russian. And work hard they must! But their hard work is paying off & their English is exploding!

The stress level is subsiding too. The kids (and we) are less overwhelmed. And the kids are more able to understand that placing multiple demands/requests on me all at once makes me “coo-coo”. It doesn’t mean they don’t still do it! But they’re starting to get the message.

I am starting to teach them to do chores & we’re really trying to stick to a schedule that we lay out at the beginning of each day. In case you’re wondering, here’s today’s  schedule:

Thursday, June 9, 2011

8:30 – Eat Breakfast

9:30 – 11:00 English/math

11:00 – 12:00 Games/TV

12:00 – 12:30 Lunch

12:30 – 1:00 Chores

Landyn –              1:30 – 2:30 English (Rosetta Stone)

                                2:30 – 4:00 Quiet Time

Henry -                                 1:30 – 3:00 Quiet Time

                                3:00 – 4:00 English

4:00 – 5:00 Games/TV

And in case you’re wondering, we’re off track! Quiet time typically does not have the intended impact on Henry. He watches the clock & comes out of his room every 10 minutes or so to confirm what time Quiet Time ends. Well, today 3:00 rolled around and there is silence in his room. He either crawled out the window (which I doubt because his soccer ball got lost – so there’s really not much to do out there right now…) or he’s asleep. Either way, I’m not investigating any further!

Oh, and spattered throughout the day, at least every 30 minutes I get asked, “Daddy home at 5 o’clock?”. It’s not because they like him better. Really…….

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

These are the days that make or break a new family. Our choices for them either accelerate or delay their transition to “family” and healing their pasts.

We’ve been all over the board with our kids in the past week. We’ve done it wrong & regrouped more than once! And their resilience continues to amaze me.

It’s impossible to convey the full scope of our experience in a blog entry. So here’s the Reader’s Digest version (with the disclaimer that MUCH, MUCH more went on behind the scenes!). I had known for a while that my kids were saying things about me (usually when I disciplined or denied them) in Russian. And I also became aware that Henry was using bad language. I tolerated it for a few reasons but mostly because I felt that if it didn’t resolve as they transitioned their language to English & some of their stress & frustrations resolved, we would then address it. But I reached my threshold when they were both using bad words while I was playing Uno with them & they laughed in my face when I confronted them. My response? “No more Russian”.

The way I saw it, them speaking to each other was a privilege. No amount of them communicating was life sustaining. So…they bought their ticket to “English only”. Also, we felt like we had reached the point where allowing them to continue to speak to each other in Russian was interfering with our ability to build relationships with them & diminishing their motivation to learn English.

I’ll add a note here that several people, when they heard my kids were treating me with disrespect, were shocked that my kids were anything but completely grateful for how their lives have been changed by us. It’s a common misconception that adopted children understand and appreciate the plight from which their new, well-to-do American family has saved them. The reality is these kids come from completely dysfunctional backgrounds (and even if they didn’t, no child can fully comprehend what would have awaited them in Ukraine’s society post-orphanage). And while it is true that their lives today are a thousand times better than their lives were a  month ago, it’s still terribly stressful for them to be in unfamiliar surroundings, unable to speak the language, and unsure of what is expected of them. They are 8 & 11. They have a fully developed language to express themselves…in another country. But not here. Also, they have very little experience with adults who have their best interest at heart. So while it is extremely difficult not to take the disrespect personally, it really has nothing to do with me. And as the grown up (yes, that’s me – scary as it is!), it’s my job to respond appropriately.

We were initially not completely united as parents on this decision & our commitment to “reminding” them not to speak to each other in Russian (we have found the biggest challenge so far has been to allow or impose “hardship” on our children), so we backslide a little. But we’ve recommitted and it’s been one of the best decisions we’ve made thus far. They are both beginning to “think” in English; something they never would have done had Russian continued to be their primary language. We are still on the uphill side of the English curve but we see the top of the hill and are excited for them to pick up great momentum!

Otherwise, we’ve had our challenges. They are both stubborn. It’s a necessary characteristic to survive in an orphanage. But here, in our home, it results in things being destroyed or important messages being undelivered. It is a HUGE challenge for us as parents. They are very much like overly-intelligent toddlers. They had 8- & 11-year-old thoughts … and we have parental messages… but we cannot share them. I cannot begin to articulate the frustration… It’s all part of our transition.

Probably the second biggest challenge is that what worked for us or they liked yesterday doesn’t often carry over to the next day. Finding a reward system has been impossible. And this is a great source of parental frustration as well…

We have our ups & downs. Nothing thus far has been unexpected or alarming. It’s just that we get tired. All four of us (well, not Henry so much!). But every day we make some kind of progress that feeds us!

I believe that we are watching these children (particularly Henry) heal from their painful pasts right before our eyes. I will respect their dignity by keeping the details private but they genuinely show signs of shedding their pasts and moving forward. And *this* makes it all worthwhile.

Figuring It All Out

It’s not easy but we’re figuring it all out. Becoming an “instant” family is fraught with challenges that don’t typically exist when families “evolve” (ie. when you raise your children from birth). We all have our preferences & habits and most of the other family members don’t know us well enough to know our preferences & habits. And the adults & children don’t share a common language to aid in this “getting to know you” stage of our relationships. It’s interesting to say the least.

But they are wonderful, curious, smart, loving, grateful kids. They are both completely in love with the pool!! But even the pool does not bring the comfort they feel from being at home. Henry in particular asks to go home after we’ve been gone for any amount of time. He really finds his refuge here. This is the fuel that feeds an adoptive parent. To know that your children are learning to feel safe…

Henry is, as we already knew, ALL BOY! He is very active & curious. But he is cautious. He prefers to study others before engaging in an activity himself. It’s interesting because by the time he has observed long enough to feel enough confidence to participate, he’s already pretty good at whatever the activity. He watched his sister & others swim in the pool for about 30 minutes & then went to the shallow end & pretty much put his face in the water! He kicks & paddles (doesn’t really go anywhere, but still!) and he has a really good idea how the whole thing works. I love to watch him watch. And then do!

He continues to show more & more affection toward us as parents as well. Our relationships are developing perfectly. He expends the most energy of any of us, probably eats the most, and sleeps the least (although he sleeps enough that we are not concerned – it’s just less than the rest of us).

Interestingly, last night he Skyped with his friend from last summer’s hosting program, Dema, who was adopted to America four months ago & the conversation was very limited because Dema has lost most of his Russian. Of course, boys don’t really need words to communicate. So they made noises & funny faces and got along just fine!

Landyn is ALL GIRL! Her challenge right now is that she is all “Ukrainian” girl; meaning she is mostly social whereas, American girls are more active & athletic. Even our adoption facilitator, who is Ukrainian, commented that she would be successful in life – didn’t matter if she didn’t do well in school – because she is social & boys like that. Maybe in Ukraine (where it seems that females are quite objectified), but not necessarily in America. So her American friends have more in common with Henry (riding bikes, running & playing with a ball don’t require a common language) than her. As her parents, we are concerned that she does not have any skills or talents that she can value as an American girl (more specifically, we are concerned that she will fall into the “pre-teen boy-craziness” that was pretty much a girl’s existence in Ukraine). So I asked her if she would like to jog with me (thinking at least she could build some strength and endurance and confidence as a foundation to build on) and she said she would. In fact, it was several days before I took her with me & she asked every day! So we bought her an appropriate pair of shorts & off we went. She did GREAT! Her stride could use some work but her endurance was better than I expected. And she was really proud of herself!! Of course, the true test was the next day. Would she ask to go again? And she did!!

We have taught the kids “God is Great” before meals. Today I made their lunch but didn’t sit down to eat with them and I heard them sit down & say their blessing without any adult prompting. Makes a Momma proud…

And the most heartwarming for me is when they say “my family” in reference to the four of us.  

Indeed, it’s not easy. But we’re figuring it all out & we’re fine… We’re better than fine!