Only in America....

Despite the flavor of my blog throughout our stay in Ukraine, we were somewhat spoiled. We did not miss a single target date during our entire complex process of adopting Landyn & Henry. In fact, we exceeded our targets! There were numerous threats of coming up against a barrier but nothing ever materialized. Until our very last target; our connecting flight to home. After traveling almost 24 hours on less than a full night’s sleep, we cleared immigration & customs in DC to learn that our flight to RDU was cancelled. We had been spoiled by our success to that point & frankly, never really considered that something like this would happen. And there was no simple solution to the problem.

Long story short, we survived without injuring either of our kids. It’s not their fault but they were driving us CRAZY! I finally had to tell Landyn to “zip it”! And Henry followed her lead. Well whuddoyaknow? When they stopped moving their mouths for two minutes, they fell asleep! We arrived in RDU on a different airline carrier about 5 hours later than planned without any luggage (well, as it turned out our luggage was there – came in on a later flight with our original carrier – the one that cancelled our flight – but no one advised us that our luggage would be there, so we didn’t even look for it – not that we would have been able to identify it with our eyes crossed – we were sooooo tired). We missed our friends who came to the airport to welcome us home. I was terribly disappointed but keeping it in perspective we were HOME with our KIDS!! My parents pulled up to the curb, we jumped in & after almost 30 hours of traveling, were off for home!!

There was a brief resurgence of energy once we arrived home & the kids explored their rooms & took a quick inventory of their new loot but it was lights out within 30 minutes. And everyone woke up reasonably refreshed. Or, probably more accurately, still operating on adrenaline!

Our first day home was pretty busy. I was completely – to the point that I was almost over – prepared for our trip to Ukraine but that’s about where the preparation stopped. I did not have adequate clothing for the kids upon our return. In my defense, this was on purpose; not an oversight (well, the no pajamas thing was an oversight). I chose not to buy them clothing beforehand because there were two big unknowns: 1-what the weather would be when we returned (it was not hot here when we left!) & 2-what sizes the kids would wear. So armed with the answers to both of these questions, I headed out to Old Navy for shorts & t-shirts BY MYSELF! It was wonderfully quiet!

We spent most of the day just hanging out & allowing the kids to explore their new home. We took our well-cared-for (maybe even slightly overfed – but no complaints from us because he was very much loved in our absence) for a few walks. On the second walk the kids rode their new razors. We felt like a scooter was the best way to assess their balance with the intention of progressing to bicycles soon.

I have always intended to do my best to prevent my kids from being overstimulated & overwhelmed by their new lives & all the people anxiously awaiting their homecoming. But I was regretful that friends had come to the airport to greet us & it didn’t work out (our friends & family have been more than generous in their support!). So we invited friends to come by yesterday evening while we were all four still pretty much running on adrenaline. And it worked out perfectly. The kids played with all of our visitors’ kids & never really even knew they were the reason for so many people stopping by. I wonder if this afternoon when people don’t show up with gifts if they will think something is wrong!!

There was much ado about our luggage. United Airlines insisted it was their policy that we had to pick up our own luggage from the airport. After both Richard & I spent at least an hour each on the phone United Airlines agreed that, despite their policy (which, I pointed out to them, doesn’t do anything for “customer service”), they would “do the right thing” (those are my words to them!) and courier our luggage to us. I tell you this because, while it was frustrating that we had to argue with the airline to bring them around to realizing the impact on their customer of their poor policy, at least we were empowered enough to advocate for ourselves. It is hard to appreciate how compromised you feel when you are in a foreign country and cannot even speak on your own behalf. It is, indeed, GREAT TO BE HOME!

These days are a wonderful time for us! The kids are still very excited to explore their new world and the reality of the hardships that accompany their new world (learning a new language, making all new friends, and blending into a new culture) is not yet obvious to them. There is no real agenda for the day at least for the next few days. In the life of a child that comes from even less than just having very little, all is right in the world today! We are blessed to share this time with them. And blessed that our friends & family have shared this time with us as well…

So This Is It...

With kids' visas in hand we are making our final escape plans! We will depart this crazy apartment (where we have made some WONDERFUL memories!) in just about 12 hours at 4:00 o'clock in the morning (that is 9:00pm tonight for you Eastern timers!) and arrive in NC at 6:30 on Wednesday night. Everyone is READY!!

We've been here for 47 days and have changed locations 16 times (including 4 overnight trains)! Without a doubt the biggest challenge of this trip has been the numerous changes in location.

A short while ago we parted ways with out facilitator for the final time. Both of our children know him pretty well & seem to be very fond of him. It was interesting to me that along with the realization that they were seeing him for the last time, it seems as though reality is setting in for them. They are leaving all that is familiar to them and all they have ever known. And Landyn has an older, adult brother with whom she says she has a relationship and she has expressed sadness that she is leaving him (I've known about him for a while & we've talked before about if she will be sad leaving him). She is definitely melancholy this afternoon & I have made sure she knows it is okay to be sad.

Nothing about leaving Ukraine makes me sad. I have gone about my time here much the same way I go about my everyday life - imperfectly. There are things (many of them) I wish I had done differently but I lay my head down every night grateful that even though I have failed God's grace is enough... I am happy to continue my imperfect existance in my own home with perfect bathrooms!

As we head for home, I can't help but wonder what my children think their lives will be like (or maybe kids don't get that far ahead of themselves). Henry has already decided "No school. No rabota (job). Games!"! He may be a tad bit disappointed. I'd be willing to bet his plan includes only junk food too!

Here's what I pray for my family...that someday (soon) we are just a family. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just your average family...

In Need of Some Serious Hospitality!

We are out of money - AGAIN! It truly is time to go...

Our embassy visit today went just fine - enjoyed speaking English with the clerk that accepted our forms & paperwork! More than speaking English, she was KIND. We've missed that more than you can imagine. I LOVE being kind. I CANNOT WAIT to be kind & to be treated kindly!! When I get to America I am going to talk to EVERYONE, especially random people! Just because I want to...

We go back to the embassy tomorrow afternoon for an interview & to receive our kids' visas at which time we are free to leave Ukraine with our children & go to America! Don't think I didn't ask for an overnight flight Tuesday night. There aren't any...

We are all in need of more interior & exterior space than this apartment provides. Both kids' bedrooms & the living room being "combined" is not a recipe for good rest for them. And while there is a "little kid's playground" outside, we just want somewhere to "hang out" outside. We want grass!!

All of us are overstimulated. We were already walking a thin line *before* we were subject to the decor of this apartment. We are now all (of us) over the edge.

So...it is one more full day until America... Sydney... Roxy... Grandma... Grandpa...

PS. If you are on Roxy duty, please know that my parents will be at our house tomorrow. Also, to Joel & Ericka, they will pick up Sydney sometime on Wednesday. We will walk up to see you on Thursday so you can meet the kids!! :)

Still 3 Days America

I got called out (by my husband, no less!) on my "creative counting" of the days left here. In my little (weary & delusional) mind, if the day was already in progress, I didn't include it in the countdown. But I guess technically, that could be considered a misrepresentation. So I'll self-correct the countdown. Whatever.... We're coming home on Wednesday!! And *that's* the truth!!

Have I mentioned we're staying in an apartment that sends my senses into complete overload? Like I've just had the misfortune of an electrical shock? Yeah...I think I did. So we wisely chose to spend the day at the Dream Town Mall where the kids roller skated for HOURS! What a joy it is to see them have so much fun! Landyn, true to form, made friends with every girl at the rink! And Henry (so hilarious) toward the end when he would fall down (which was pretty frequent) would just stay there and lay his head down - on the skating rink floor. They wore themselves out and are bruised and battered. Should be a good time esplainin' ourselves at the US Embassy for their medical exams. My superior parenting continues!! As a side note: the were elbow and knee pads available but the whole Russian/English, they have to be "rented" thing was a parental failure on my part. America SOON! English SOON!

We've been blessed by American company on several occasions while we've been here but today was extra special. I've become facebook friends with a Michigan Mom who is adopting Dasha from our summer hosting program last summer. Danielle is the awesome Mom of four girls ages 1-8. She and her husband, Al, heard God's call to adopt Dasha who has now turned 16 and would have otherwise had very little hope of being adopted. They arrived in Kyiv yesterday for their SDA appointment tomorrow, so they met up with us at the mall. Just as I suspected, she's like a soul sister. We pray their appointment goes well tomorrow and look forward to meeting up with them again a time or two before DEPARTING THE COUNTRY FOR HOME!

It's evening here, so I'm calling today "over" which means 2 DAYS AMERICA!! SYDNEY... ROXY... GRANDMA... GRANDPA....

3 Days America!!

Well then, my blog is finally unbroken. It is been "down" so to speak for the last several days. There were plenty of message that appeared to be informing me of what was going on with the blogger, but they were all in Russian. Thus is my world...

Anyway, we spent the last three days in Odessa as a family of four. It's been like an awakening for all of us. We have learned to communicate in our own little way (most of it not with words!) & both kids remain curious about English (although not as much as I would like - but for the record, my opinion on this is that there has to be a motivation <which is why I have not learned Russian> and I believe the motivation will come with immersion in the language & culture <which, I realize, defies why I have not learned Russian - but still... - fact is, I don't really need any friends here becase I am going home...IN 3 DAYS!>). We had tickle-fests, giggle-fests, wrestling matches (Henry is pretty fast & wirey!), and just chilled together. Oh, and we went to a ballet at the Opera House in Odessa because it was a once-in-a-lifetime (have I mentioned that I have no intentions of ever coming back here?) chance to see the Opera House & it was worth the risk of taking an 8-year-old boy. We only stayed for about half & they both said they enjoyed it. They were good but I did have to sit between them in order to halt the commentary & giggling. They are, indeed, your average siblings.

There is soooo much I could say about our time together but I suspect the details of our lives are similar to yours if/when you raised & spent time with your children. It's just normal stuff - well, except the fact that we can't converse with our children. There's that challenge... but then, it really has had a way of bringing us closer. We've had to learn each other's "style" & nuances. It’s been good for us. And in a way, I’m glad we cannot talk about why & how it that we all came to be a family in Ukraine. The why & how is not really important… That we *are* is what is important right now.

That’s not to say I do not think about their why & how. I am curious about their pasts (if you were wondering if I ever got the information I asked for about their neglect/abuse histories, now you know…) but mostly in the sense that I want to be able to help them work through any issues that they’ve brought with them or to watch for signs of developing issues. None-the-less, we are left to figure this out on our own. Maybe it’s best. I disagree. But others – the ones who could have provided this information – obviously felt it best not to share – so I am left with whatever fallout there is from their decision. I do pray that God gives me the wisdom to guide them to a healthy, happy life.

Today we spent a good six hours in the car traveling from Odessa to Kiev. So I had some thinking time (oh no…you can stop here if you want!). I’ve been conflicted about how I’ve experienced Ukraine. Other than the time with my family (which I have LOVED!), I cannot say that I’ve enjoyed this trip AT ALL. The places we’ve stayed have all been, in my opinion, creepy; even the “very nice” apartment where we stayed in Mariupol had “issues”. I could go into detail but there’s no time or space (or interest on the reader’s part!) for that. I think the point is that the entire country is “old” & “cold”. Nothing is what we would consider to be “quality”. Even the “nice” places are not “nice” by American standards. There is building after abandoned building; some that were under construction but not finished (and I’m thinking, “What? Did their economy tank or something?”), some are falling down, and some you honestly cannot tell if it is on its way up or down. The buildings are hideously ugly. There are piles of rubble beside EVERY home & building (completed or not). There are plumbing & electrical issues in every apartment. Sorry, I digress. The point is the country feels robbed to me. It feels like the human spirit has been squelched, stamped out, ruined. We (the human spirit), by nature, are proud. We, with the right motivation & resources, are smart, creative, do good work, and take good care of the things we have. This goodness that is our human nature does not seem to exist here. Certainly, it is such that “people” exist here, but they hardly seem human. The lack of kindness toward one another. The complete disregard for one another. It just all feels so wrong to me. I cannot believe that God intended us to live like that. Nor can I believe that people *want* to live like that. It leaves me, once again, shaking my head.

That is not to say there are not kind people here. But overall, I’ve not found much warmth & kindness. And it makes me sad. Not so much for me because I am going home to family & friends & a community & “the south” (where we wave at everyone who drives by whether we know them or not!) that is warm & kind. But for the people I leave behind. I guess I can’t help but wonder what this beautiful country (and it IS beautiful here!) could become if the spirit of the people was renewed & there was warmth & kindness. I guess post-communism remains ugly for many, many years. Pray for the ugliness to end here. Pray for the human spirit to be renewed.

So that’s my take on this place. I could be wrong. Maybe there’s more kindness than I have perceived. But I don’t think so (I have pretty good “energy feelers”)…

Here we are. In our last creepy place before HOME! As I’ve said so many times about the places before, I cannot describe this place. It’s so over-the-top that I dare not attempt describing it (I am not that crafty with words that I could bring you here to experience what we are seeing). Suffice it to say, 3 DAYS AMERICA!! Sydney… Roxy… Grandma… Grandpa…

Tomorrow is our last day without anything to occupy our time. We will have our driver pick us up & take us to the big mall with lots of stuff to do. That oughtta be cheap! But there is no price too high for getting my kids outta this “accident waiting to happen”! There will be NO wrestling or tickle-fests in this place. And then both Monday & Tuesday was have appointments at the US Embassy. We will be issued our kids’ visas on Tuesday & leave this place at 4:00am (Ukraine time) Wednesday morning for a 6:45am flight!!

Our flight is due in around 6:30pm ET!!! We will have cleared customs in DC, so we look forward to picking up a pizza (because we haven’t had enough of that here – and if you came before us, you know what I mean!) & heading home……….

Family Day, May 10th, 2011

I get very little computer time these days! It's okay...

But I wanted to share with you that your and our prayers have been answered. We are all four together! In the brief time I have to share with you how our lives have changed, I'll sum it up by saying that Henry was struggling with trusting us. Whenever we were out of our home environment, he shut down from us. He wouldn't allow us to touch him & he would not stay close enough to us for our comfort. We knew it was temporary & that he would soon come to trust but, again, it is so hard.

Landyn (yes, she has chosen to go by Landyn! Of course, for now she is mostly Nastia-I-mean-Landyn!) changed everything! She has not only taught him to trust but she has taught him affection & gratitude (both of which we also knew would come with time, but she sped up the process by lightyears!). She really needs to write a book someday on how to be adopted as perfectly as one possibly can!

With this gesture on her part, without having any idea of the impact, she changed our family!

And his expression (although priceless) implies the exact opposite of how he feels about her. Let's just say she's enjoying him now but I predict in the not-so-distant future, he's gonna need to make some other friends! HaHa!!

And, as is true for him, she also goes to bed a thousand times smarter than when she woke up. I was a bit concerned that their ability to communicate with each other would lessen their motivation to learn English. Not so at all! We are all four communicating surprisingly well. They are both interested in English (maybe she a little bit more than he but he is wicked smart, so I'm not the least bit worried) and have excellent recall. And she's been quite the little translator for us in restaraunts & stores. I love it!!

On the other hand, she is very ready to leave this all behind. She speaks regularly of America, Sydney, & Roxy. And she knows our target date is the 18th! We have hit every target date thus far but, unbeknownst to use, we chose a name for her with one more letter than fits on the passport (had we know earlier that she would chose to not go by Nastia, we would have dropped Anastasia altogether, but alas that was not meant to be...). So we are at risk for it taking a few extra days. We are praying not. We all have our eye on the 18th!!

Mother's Day & the Mariupol Marathon Finish Line in Full View!

First things first, I failed to mention that Nastia’s 10-day appellate period was up on Friday. She’s been “officially ours” (in theory) for two days!

About today being Mother’s Day, this Mother’s Day just being a Mom is more than enough which is a good thing because today wasn’t much different than yesterday – but I think I was clear about yesterday; that it was one of the best days of my life! Henry continues to be a joy. He pushed the limits with us a little bit more today but then, cabin fever will make a boy delirious & mischievous! All things considered, it was normal kid stuff & nothing of concern.

This morning Henry asked, “Zaftra Odessa” (tomorrow)? When I said, “yes”, he fist pumped & said, “yeah!”.  He’s either bored, ready to meet Nastia (which is - I do not think - what was behind the reaction), or done with Mariupol (more on that in a moment).

We ventured out to downtown Mariupol this afternoon (in case you’re wondering the smoke stacks are spewing – it’s a 24/7 thing – and Mariupol has NOT grown on me). Interestingly, Henry didn’t enjoy himself either. While I do believe he doesn’t like Mariupol either (more on that in a moment), there is likely a lot behind why he didn’t enjoy our first outing together. It is one of the complexities of having very recently been an orphan & not being able to communicate with your new parents (who you are pretty sure you are starting to trust but still need more time & evidence). First of all, he had no idea where we were going or why. He’s just ‘riding in the car’. Then we passed by his school & through the intersection that is only a few hundred yards from his orphanage. I watched him for a reaction; I couldn’t really read anything other than it was obvious he knew where we were. Then our driver let us out of the car at a supermarket which is how we do things. He drops us off, we walk around, meet friends & our driver picks us up later (we arrange this through our facilitator who speaks English). But Henry doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know that eventually we are going back to the apartment where he just left his personal belongings (the first personal belongings he’s had to his name in who-knows-how-long). And he doesn’t know that our driver didn’t abandon us & is coming back for us whenever we want. He doesn’t really know anything about what’s going on… It was hard for him. And as a parent, it is hard for us knowing what he was experiencing. But we recognized it in his behavior (very withdrawn from us – if we didn’t have previous experience with this it would have appeared like he was giving us attitude) as we saw this with Nastia as well & we called for our driver to come get us (but not before he scored himself a toy handgun – yes, I am the Mom is was never going to be…my kid’s packing heat…I am so anti-violence & I bought my kid a toy gun <smh @ myself> & a remote control care – which, in my defense – he had previously indicated he wanted one & I said we would get him one).

I would be worried that we need to move to Mariupol & live in this apartment for the rest of our lives (or at least until our son is an adult), but remember the earlier excitement about Odessa tomorrow? On the route back to the apartment, we crest a hill & in the distance is the most hideous, all-consuming view of the enormous, grotesque steel mill. This site has caused me to gasp every time I’ve crested that hill (note: I’ve tried to take a picture & I even included one in my blog, but it’s impossible to capture the totality of it without the 360-degree, 5-sense experience). So tonight, knowing it is the last time I will encounter this monstrosity of pollution because, yes it appears as though we have survived the Mariupol Marathon, and I waved at the steel mill & said, “Good bye Mariupol”. Henry smiled and said, “Hello Odessa”!

Once back in the apartment, all is right with our little guy’s world. He is back to our sweet & happy boy again.

And we do realize this will happen many more times before he trusts us. It is a difficult truth…

So, he has packed his backpack for the trip tomorrow & is now exploring my Droid – watching the short video of Nastia she made for him & repeating “Bye-bye Mariupol”.  You decide for yourself how he feels about Mariupol… And maybe he’s even a little excited about his sister.

We have loved every minute of our time with him. God’s plan was perfection! I shudder to think had we followed *our* plan and not picked him up until tomorrow & gotten right on an overnight train to Odessa without having spent the last three days building a relationship with him.

And we are ready for what is next. As all Moms do, I have concerns about how our family of three (we have been a family of three both with Nastia & with Henry) will merge into a family of four. Only time will tell. But we are ready for what is next…

PS. I will most likely not be back (via blog) until at least Tuesday maybe later. Tomorrow night we will be on an overnight train that arrives in Odessa in the morning on Tuesday & we leave immediately for Belgorod & a full day of paper chasing for Nastya (& we’ll be signing her out of her orphanage – Can you say “bye-bye Belgorod?!”). And I’m sure we’ll have a family celebration Tuesday evening! If you don’t hear from me for a few days, fear not. I will be in ODESSA with my FAMILY J J!!