Reflections

The year-two hosting program orphans (I still cannot make peace with that word) and their two chaperones and two translators are due in to RDU in less than an hour. I've not been able to get the families and program organizers off my mind. We've prayed for this day...

But I have so many different thoughts... I remember waiting for Nastya (now Landyn!) with great excitement and probably even greater nervousness just one year ago. I worried she would be scared. I worried she wouldn't be able to sleep in our home. I worried she would need something but not be able to ask (and this was a strong likelihood). I worried she wouldn't know how to use our bathrooms (and I wasn't completely wrong on this one either!)!

I didn't know anyone who had ever hosted an orphan from another country. My head was saying "totally YIKES!". We met other families at the airport and everyone else seemed equally nervous and excited.

And then there they were. A bunch of kids who looked nothing like any of the kids in the pictures we had seen. They were all minuscule. You know...they looked breakable! But especially Landyn. She was so exhausted she could barely stand up. And she was TINY! she looked way too young to have traveled so many thousands of miles to get in a car and go with with two adults who she had never met and with whom she could not communicate. It all seemed a bit absurd in the moment. But we weren't the only ones collecting a frightened kid and driving away. So off we went.

Almost a year later the child we fell in love with is our daughter. And despite having spent three weeks with her a year ago, she is not at all the person we thought she was. It is not that she misled us in any way. It's just that three weeks with a kid that speaks another language and that does not know you plan to make them a permanent part of your family is not "real life".

I don't mean to suggest I am not in favor of the hosting program. Believe me when I say I've given the hosting program a lot of consideration. And I've not always been consistent in my opinion about the hosting program. In the end, I figure God is in charge anyway. So at the very least, we got a sense of her temperament and we were reasonably sure she did not have any dibilitating psychological disorders.

The long and the short of it for us is that we have a long road ahead of us with a daughter who was badly abused and neglected for ten years. The effects are more far-reaching than one can imagine. But she is resilient and bright. And with A LOT of work, we pray she will be able to rewire her brain enough to lead a functional and happy life. She had her first meltdown today (yes, it took over two months!) and it was, despite what you might think, a great step for her. She does not recognize, feel, or express appropriate emotion. So for her to get mad and frustrated to the point of sobbing because math is hard and America is hard and her little brother (who should, by all accounts, be as confused and disorganized and delayed as she is) seems to have it so easy, is actually a huge milestone for her. It gives me great hope for her.

Anyway, God bless all the hosting families, children, chaperones, translators, program organizers, and other volunteers over the next three weeks.

If you are considering adopting, please know that parenting a broken child is God's work. Be prepared to take your needs and heartaches to Him many, mnay times a day for the long haul. You are without a doubt in over your head. But you are not in over His head.

I am excited to see how God works this year out!